As we get older, we often find ourselves facing new and evolving circumstances. For many, this includes taking on the responsibility of caring for older family members. Caring for people who have once cared over you can feel especially peculiar.
Planning for both the immediate next steps and long-term future care does not have to rest solely on one person’s shoulders, though. Families can (and often will) work together to help care for aging loved ones. But making these decisions isn’t simple; these discussions can be inherently emotional and difficult, and family members can disagree about what should be done. Even when planning goes smoothly, the loved one you are all trying to help may not want to go along.
This guide provides some tips on how to talk with your family and plan for your loved one’s future.
Start Discussions Early If Possible
The best time to discuss the future is in the present. While it can feel like you’re rushing ahead, planning now can actually prevent stress and future heartache.
Planning for the future now allows everyone to research and compare options together. Discussions can be scheduled so the whole family can meet, rather than whoever is available during an emergency. And perhaps most importantly, you can include those older family members whose future is directly impacted by these decisions. In the event that they are unable to choose at the time care is needed, knowing their wishes in advance allows families to make informed decisions on their behalf. This can reduce the heartache for family members.
Research
Every family is different, and planning based on what you’ve heard from friends and coworkers may not match your loved one’s needs. Instead, you and your family should research potential options to find ones that fit your family member’s unique situation.
If you don’t know where to begin, there are several starting points we recommend.
First, start with services and programs that offer at-home assistance. They can provide early to intermediate support, which can be especially beneficial if other forms of caregiver help are not readily available. Even if a family member will be providing caregiver services, outside services can be utilized and help reduce stress. Our own Kingsway’s Home Care Services was designed to let families customize the schedule and services to meet the needs of loved ones. Our staff can help you determine what would best work with your family member’s current situation.
If your family member needs a greater level of care in the future, you can start looking into places that provide residential care. This includes assisted living, skilled nursing, and memory care. If your loved one’s needs are expected to change over time, you should consider options that host multiple services in one area. Kingsway Community has a continuum of care, which offers five levels of services all on one campus. Some of these options may have a waiting list or additional requirements, so looking into them now can be highly beneficial.
This is also the stage to consider legal documents. There is a variety of legal documentation that may help, from advance directives to power of attorney. Be aware that it takes time to set these up, and that your family will need to look into these options sooner rather than later.
Finally, consider your loved one’s medical history. Health conditions and concerns can present new challenges later in life. This can range from pre-existing medical conditions to disorders that develop as people age. Even well-managed conditions can be harder to treat as time goes on, and in some cases specialized services will be needed either onsite or nearby. Looking into the family medical history can provide additional information on what the future may hold, especially regarding health conditions that don’t have symptoms until one’s senior years. These pieces of knowledge can give a better idea of what to look for when planning for the future.
Have Discussions
There are many things to consider when planning for future care, and it can feel overwhelming. However, you and your family do not need to decide on everything at once. Plan for multiple, ongoing discussions with your family. This divides the weight of responsibility between all of the discussions, which can make the individual discussions themselves more manageable.
That is not to say that they will be easy discussions to have. Most of these conversations can be very emotional, especially as they involve a beloved family member. Sadness, anger, even relief and hope are all normal feelings. Additionally, family members may disagree on the best course of action. There are many options available, and narrowing them down to one can cause disagreements.
There are some things everyone should remember while having these discussions. First, and perhaps most importantly, everyone is working towards the same goal: planning for the future for your loved one. Second, you should all listen to each other. Give everyone time to state their opinions and their reasoning. This will help everyone to make informed decisions together.
If a Caregiver is Already Involved
In some situations, a caregiver is already involved with assisting your aging loved one. It could be another family member or a professional. No matter the case, it’s a good idea to listen to their observations of the current situation. They likely have noticed something that others have not; changes in memory or balance, for example, or even no changes or improvements in mood. These details can be critical when making plans.
It's also important to check in on the caregiver themselves, especially if they are a family member. Caregiver burnout is unfortunately very common, with some studies finding sixty percent of caregivers suffering burnout symptoms. Some of these symptoms can leave a lasting impact on their health, which can affect both the caregiver and the person they’re caring for.
If a caregiver is becoming overwhelmed or stressed, it is recommended to look into other arrangements.
Be Ready to Reevaluate and Change Plans
As time goes on, it’s very likely that situations change. The plans your family made may not account for everything that happens. This can be caused by a range of things, from shifting timelines to unexpected health developments.
You and your family should pay attention to ongoing circumstances, and be ready to reevaluate the plans as time goes on. A great start is to do weekly check-ins with your loved one to make sure things are going smoothly. If things are not going quite as planned, you and your family can step in to adjust.
Be Empathetic, Reasonable, and Realistic
The ongoing conversations you and your family will have about the future of your loved ones will be tough. Sometimes, the hardest part will be that everyone but your aging family member will agree on a plan.
We encourage everyone to be empathetic, and to look at things from your loved one’s point of view. They have been independent adults for most of their lives, and getting older can rob them of some of that independence. There is also the likelihood that these topics make them think about mortality, which can bring about a wide range of emotions.
Your family’s wishes and plans will also need to be balanced with reasonable and realistic expectations. A loved one downplaying the effects of a medical condition can have detrimental consequences, but so can removing all chances of physical activity because of a slight chance of injury.
How each family handles these scenarios is highly individualized. Below, we have some suggestions that can help. Remember that these are only suggestions; you will likely have to tailor your response to best fit your situation.
- Remind them that you and your family love them, and want what’s best for them.
- Tell them planning for their future is like an insurance policy. No one wants to use insurance, but we have it just in case something happens.
- Remind them that it’s important to work together to make these decisions now, so that their wishes can be followed through in the future.
- Do not into the conversation expecting your loved one to change their mind right away. It may take many conversations to reach a compromise.
Let Kingsway Help
Kingsway Community has worked hard for over fifty years to create a senior living community to help families with their aging loved ones. Our continuum of care works to meet the needs of our residents, wherever they are on their journey. The experience our staff has from our range of services as well as our extended history makes us experts in our field. If you need help navigating options for your loved ones, Kingsway can be a great resource. We’ve work with families to create an environment where residents do not only live, but also thrive. No wonder so many people call Kingsway home.
If you’d like to learn more or schedule a tour, reach out to us here.